Combining Two Lives

"I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan."

-Claire Cloninger

Understanding Love

"It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years?"

-Author Unknown

a painful reality

it has become a painful reality to me that all the things that i need, want and desire i will never get or experience. this realization came to me last night and i cried my soul out till there was nothing left within. he is never going to submit to giving me all that i want, that it is tearing me apart and i feel like i am left with nothing inside. driving home last night from my bellydancing class and seeing this man standing outside the club caught my eye and my heart that i went places i have never gone before all within a split second and i wanted more than anything to turn around and a feel his touch. seductive fantasies running wild inside my mind i can not breathe it is almost erotic.

where do i go? what do i do?

i feel myself pulling and turning away and feel so guilty for it. i love him and we have so much history....yet he does not fully satisfy me. i want more. i can taste it like a lion can taste the blood of a fresh kill miles away. day after day i am home alone in this house so lonely aching for human touch, passion, intimacy and desire yet day after day there is nothing. there is a void so empty.

will it ever be filled?